I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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