Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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