I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
