it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
