i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Pooping to opera.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
