You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
