Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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