11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
