....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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