Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i came on her dog
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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