she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
