Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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