Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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