I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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