my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
