I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize