Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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