Plan B is the new Plan A
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
