well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
