whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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