You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
