1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
