And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so that wasnt chicken after all
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
