After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
