pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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