If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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