You really coming over, don't trick.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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