just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
