Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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