I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
