theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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