you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
