sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Randomize
