I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize