You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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