oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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