all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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