I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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