I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just want nice things and good sex
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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