we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
