Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
