I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
