nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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