If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
