bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
