I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
