I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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