last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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