i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Randomize
