Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize