Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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