My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
