This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
