standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
lol hangovers are for mortals.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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