Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
