the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
