He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
