who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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