hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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