felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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