well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
