we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
