I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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