Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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