bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You pole danced in your parka.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
