C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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