I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Randomize
