Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
