absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
