Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
