I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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