shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
