Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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