Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
