This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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