We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
