Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
