I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
