Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
high people should be assigned attendants
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
