Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
