I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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