Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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