I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
