onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
