this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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