I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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