it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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