and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
