that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
