he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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