Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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