She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
