you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
