TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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