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I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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