Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i think i just lost a toe
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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